I’ve spent the better part of the morning wondering if I should blog this. I’m still not sure right now, writing in notepad, looking at the clock as I have to leave home again in half an hour.
I had a dream sometime this morning. And though it’s fuzzy, I still remember most of it. At least the significat details that left such an impression on me as I woke up. I won’t tell you the dream, I’m not that open after all, I’ll just say it’s one of those dreams where something you’ve really longed for comes true, so after the feeling of happiness and self-acomplishment, when you wake up, all you have left is a feeling of great loss.
I’ve finally decided to try and make something coherent of this after hearing a song on my mp3 player while riding the bus home from school. It was a Trance Around the World mix by Above and Beyond (not their video, I just wanted to show you one of their best songs), and the song was Luminary – Amsterdam. All I was hearing was a part of the chorus: “And I miss you” repeated over and over, and suddenly I saw a part of my dream in front of myself, even though I was standing in front of the bus door and was almost at the bus stop.
So now I’m writing this, remembrance washing over me, and I wonder. Life seems to be full of irony. You like someone, that someone likes someone else, and then in the picture comes someone that likes you but you don’t like. Thus a huge, diformed spiderweb of human relations is made, and you can’t help but feel a burdening need to rip the strings apart and rearrange them to your heart’s content. But what do we do? We try, try again, try one more time, and when we see it isn’t working, the strings just won’t budge, we give up and just try to cut them loose. But then that doesn’t work either. And later on, when we thought we were rid of the pseudo-pain failure inflicts on us each time, a dream, a fleeting sight on the street, a mere word, brings it all back into focus.
… and we write it in our blog and run off again, late as usual. 🙂
P.S. As another weird twist of fate, before writing this I checked a friend’s blog and found this written yesterday. It is better to have loved and lost…